Here’s the transcript of Paul Harvey’s “If I were the Devil” speech that was broadcast on April 3, 1965:

If I were the Devil, I would not be happy until I had seized the ripest apple on the tree. So I’d set about however necessary to take over the United States.

I’d submit the churches first. I’d begin with a campaign of whispers. With the wisdom of a serpent, I would whisper to you as I whispered to Eve: “Do as you please.” To the young, I would whisper, “The Bible is a myth.” I would convince them that man created God instead of the other way around. I would confide that what’s bad is good, and what’s good is “square.” And the old I would teach to pray after me, “Our Father, which art in Washington…”

And then I’d get organized. I’d educate authors in how to make lurid literature exciting so that anything else would appear dull and uninteresting. I’d threaten T.V. with dirtier movies and vice versa. I’d pedal narcotics to whom I could. I’d sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction. I’d tranquilize the rest with pills.

If I were the Devil, I’d soon have families at war with themselves, churches at war with themselves, and nations at war with themselves until each in its turn was consumed. And with promises of higher ratings, I’d have mesmerizing media fanning the flames.

If I were the Devil, I would encourage schools to refine young intellects, but neglect to discipline emotions, just let those run wild, until before you knew it, you’d have to have drug-sniffing dogs and metal detectors at every schoolhouse door.

Within the decade, I’d have prisons overflowing, I’d have judges promoting pornography, soon I could evict God from the courthouse, then from the schoolhouse, then from the houses of Congress.

And in His own Churches, I would substitute psychology for religion and deify science. I would lure priests and pastors into misusing boys and girls and church money.

If I were the Devil, I’d make the symbol of Easter, an egg, and the symbol of Christmas, a bottle.

If I were the devil, I would take from those who have and I would give to those who want it until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious.

And wouldn’t you bet I couldn’t get whole states to promote gambling as the way to get rich.

I would caution against extremes and hard work and patriotism and moral conduct. I would convince the young that marriage is old-fashioned, that swinging is more fun, that what you see on TV is the way to be. And thus I could undress you in public and I could lure you into bed with diseases for which there is no cure.

In other words, if I were the Devil, I’d just keep right on doing what he’s doing.

Paul Harvey, Good Day.

 

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