ABA - Affordable Boat Act
This puts it into
terms virtually anyone can understand (not that any of you would
have trouble envisioning the magic show taking place in the white
house!
U.S.
Government
has just passed a new law called: "The affordable boat act".
Every
citizen MUST purchase a new boat, by April 2014. These "affordable"
boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This does not
include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration
fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.
This law has been
passed, because until now, typically only wealthy and financially
responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new law
ensures that every American can now have an "affordable" boat of
their own, because everyone is "entitled" to a new boat.
If you purchase your
boat before the end of the year, you will receive 4 "free" life
jackets; not including monthly usage fees.
In order to make
sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of owning a
boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way,
wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don't
want or can't afford to maintain.
But to be fair,
people who can't afford to maintain their boat will be regularly
fined. Children (under the age of 26) can use their parent’s boats
to party on until they turn 27; then must purchase their own boat.
If you already have
a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you can’t). If you
don't want or don't need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow.
If you refuse to buy one or can’t afford one, you will be regularly
fined $800 until you purchase one or face imprisonment. Failure to
use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert;
inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are not exempt. Age,
motion sickness, experience, knowledge nor lack of desire are
acceptable excuses for not using your boat.
A government review
board (that doesn't know the difference between the port, starboard
or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including; when, where,
how often and for what purposes you can use your boat along with how
many people can ride your boat and determine if one is too old or
healthy enough to be able to use their boat. They will also decide
if your boat has out lived its usefulness or if you must purchase
specific accessories, (like a $500 compass) or a newer and more
expensive boat. Those that can afford yachts will be required to do
so...it’s only fair.
The government will
also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with these
rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.
Government officials
are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat, they and their
families can obtain boats free, at the expense of tax payers.
Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations
($$$) are also exempt.
WE CAN FIX THIS!
FIRE A DEMOCRAT 2014
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